meh thank you, but I don’t feel like there are people who do though, my personality hardly makes up for it
I feel as thought a lot of my problems are based on my appearance. I can’t go out without any make up, if i ran out of something i simply wouldn’t go anywhere. If my appearence doesn’t go how i want it to I immediately become suicidal if this happens and think things like ‘This wouldn’t happen if i wasn’t ugly’ ‘Why do i even bother anymore’ ‘Why am i alive’ ‘This wouldn’t happen if i wasn’t here’.
Make up makes me feel slightly better; but i can’t help thinking and feeling as though i look disgusting. I want to be perfect, i sometimes cry because things don’t look how i want to aswell as getting very angry and upset looking at myself in the mirror. It affects my whole entire day, i am very blunt to people and irritated and quiet all day. The slightest thing annoys me. I feel like people are laughing and looking at me. I get such a horrid feeling in my stomach, its like a mixture of anger, recklessness and sadness. It makes me feel like i’m going to lose it and snap. Either kill myself or somebody else.
I genuinely hate myself but i feel as thought if i told anyone or tried to they would think i was attention seeking. If it was up to me and i still looked like this, i wouldn’t want to go out anymore, but the problem is i HAVE to. I know about the whole ‘positive thought process’ i also know that a lot of people in life will find you unattractive and express that opinion. Some people will also find you the opposite and may express that too and it shouldn’t matter because that is THEIR personal preference. Not YOURS. But what happens if your opinion of yourself is a bad one? I can’t just suddenly turn off my opinion on myself? No amount of therapy/counselling is gonna help me. I really think i have a problem that cannot be fixed.